Comparison of Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century

Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins
Hare Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins
Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins
Anglican - They were our toys first
Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first
Atheism - There is no toy maker
Polytheism - There are many toy makers
Evolutionism - The toys made themselves
Church of Christ Science - We are the toys
Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling toys
Ba'Hai - All toys are just fine with us
Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin
Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck
Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants
Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second
Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses
7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses
Jehovah's Witness - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins
Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins
Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination
Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry
Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them
Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether the toys make a bit of difference
Unitarian Universalism - We still haven't decided if the toys exist

From Kerux